riri’s webpage

a blinky image saying 'sleep deprived'

it’s time to quit vaping

estimated reading time: 3 - 4 min

about a month ago i wrote this post, in which i’ve said i started to vape despite saying i “never” will.

well, today is the day i (try to) quit. not even for health reasons, if i die i die lol. but there are other reasons.

so why quit if im so nonchalant?

even though i’ve been using it very sparingly, i feel little to no buzz anymore, which means the addiction is creeping in. so it's time to cut it right here and there, before it fully develops. simply because i don’t want to feel like shit when i can’t have it. this shit is expensive. 7€ may not seem like much but it adds up.

so what do i mean by sparingly? well, literally just that. i would do a few hits before bed, and sometimes on the toilet. my first two vapes lasted over a week each, with a week of me not vaping at all in the between. so you may be asking yourself why do i suddenly fear addiction if do it THIS soaringly? well— it wouldn’t stay like that for long. for an example: yesterday, i took an entire day to be outside and enjoy myself. i got a disposable at noon, and actually fucking finished it by 6pm! and sure, for people who “actually” vape this is normal, but to me it wasn’t/isn't. another thing i’ve cought myself doing is if i see people on the street vape, id think to myself “gosh i wish i could hit too now”.

but the biggest problem of them all? ive stopped feeling the “buzz”. that’s dangerous. as in ive started getting some tolerance.

so let’s talk about the buzz (or lack thereof)

the buzz is the only reason i even entertained vaping in the first place. that little dopamine spike? the way it makes your brain go “ooooh, nice”? yeah, that’s the allure. but now? nothing. nada. i could suck on this thing like my life depended on it and still feel about as much excitement as doomsrolling. and without the buzz, what’s even the point? might as well suck on an empty pen cap at that rate. at least that’s free.

this shit is a money pit

and let’s not ignore the economics here, and the main reason im trying to quit. 7€ for something that suddenly barely fucking lasts me a day, after it’ve made be believe i could stretch one to the entire week? girl, be so for real. i could get decent espresso and a small pastry, or like, anything that isn’t literally evaporating into the air while I contemplate my life choices. if i keep going, i’ll need to start factoring vaping into my monthly budget like some kind of clown. sorry, but i’d rather be broke because i bought cute fortnite skins, not because i spent my money inhaling flavored air.

the addiction spiral is right there

here’s the thing: as i said it starts “sparingly.” a hit here, a puff there... harmless, right? but then you’re out in the world, and suddenly everyone’s puffing away like it’s the olympics, and you’re standing there thinking, damn, wish i had mine on me. but im just repeating myself here... addiction? not very demure. not very mindful.

so what now?

now, we put the thing down. and by we, i mean i. not because i’m out here trying to be a role model or anything (please, no one look to me for life advice), but because i’m genuinely over it. i’m tired of spending money on a habit that doesn’t even give me what it promised. the buzz and dizziness are gone, so what's the fucking point now?

so yeah, wish me luck or don’t. i’m doing this for me, and maybe a little bit to spite myself for ever starting. here’s to quitting before it gets out of hand. because, thankfully i’m not addicted yet but it got pretty damn fucking close.

wish me luck or don’t.

and to wrap this up

so here we are, at the end of my little vape saga—for now, at least. am i quitting for good? who knows. maybe i’ll relapse in a week, dramatically take a hit, or maybe i’ll stay strong, wasting money on video games instead. we’ll see. either way, i’ll be the same chaotic mess I was before, but just maybe with clearer lungs. time will tell..


got more to say? email me: hi[at]riri[dot]my

posted on: 2024-12-24 01:42 AM