rina's space

june 22, 2025 @ 12:50 am | est. reading time: 2 - 3 mins | word count 397

why i lowkey want to start a youtube channel but also lowkey don’t

sometimes i get this idea that i should start a youtube channel. like, imagine just filming random stuff? and people will watch it? but what if i am too cringe? or don’t have good enough personality. i don’t want to waste my time on something that could fail.

i grew up watching youtube, like many people my age, and i’ve always thought what is it like to be on the other side of the screen. i’ve wanted to be a YouTuber for longer than the kids and teenagers who dream of it have even been alive. however, i never had the guts to persevere. even though i’ve made a few channels, i’ve also privated and/or deleted the videos, because i was too embarrassed, i was too scared. do i even have it in me, do i even have what it takes to be a youtuber?

funnily enough my native language has two conflicting sayings. “ko ne proba, taj ne uspeva” (who doesn’t try, won’t succeed) but there’s also “jedan prob’o, pa se usr’o” (one tried, but shat himself). the encouraging one is old, actual saying. the discouraging one is more colloquial. but nonetheless, conflicting. but the real reason i gave up is “anxiety” for the lack of a better word. also, what if i say something dumb? or just sit there awkwardly for five minutes because i have no idea what to say? people have such a small attention span that the tiniest mistake would make me forgotten. and if no one watches, what is the point?

and to be honest, yes, making youtube videos sounds kinda cool in theory. but reality is a lot different. the idea is tempting, but as i said: do i even have what it takes? probably not. and what if i do have what it takes... what if i put out a video and nobody cares? or worse, what if people do care and i don’t want that kind of attention? getting hate because someone disagreed... it’s exhausting just thinking about it. i lowkey want to start a youtube channel because it sounds fun and creative, but i lowkey don’t because it feels like a lot of work for maybe (probably) zero payoff. for now, i’ll stick to lurking, watching others, and dreaming about what could be. maybe someday i’ll actually hit record and not delete it soon after upload lol.

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