rina's space

november 8, 2025 @ 09:30 pm | est. reading time: 3 - 4 mins | word count 549

why am i like this

i’ve been thinking— why exactly am i like how i am? For an example, just look at my website and my behavior on it... and sure, you’re likely not to notice anything inherantly wrong with it, because there really isn’t anything.

but this entire blogging semi-frequent blogging, rants, etc on a website looking like this screams teenager energy. and well, i’m currently 27. isn’t it a little bit weird? and i know, i know, there are plenty of people older than me, with blogs, and stuff, but none of them have this style of blogging like i do. but you know who does? teenagers. we’d be lying if we said i act my age, because i really don’t. and while most people won’t care, i sometimes can’t help but worry about it, and how i am perceived by others.

i’ve always been different from the most, which is probably apparent by my website alone and while i don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing, sometimes i do worry this makes me “weird”, which to be honest, i probably am.

i don’t actually see any problems with this personally, or with how i am, but i feel like i’m supposed to. the world makes me feel like this is something i shouldn’t do anymore. i wonder if this is something just in my head, am i overthingking it again? probably...

being different is so fucking hard because it feels like i’m doing something wrong, even when i’m literaly not. those “expectations” peopke usually have of people my age are also scary ngl. because why is it so bad i’m a bit childish, why is it bad i don’t want to date, or have children. why is so bad to have an angsty blog despite my age? why is it so bad to like games and cartoons? it literally feels like you certain age, you need to drop everything you’re “too old for”, but what if i don’t know how? or, what if i don’t want to at all.

this wold makes me think, that to be a “proper” adult you need to be this sad, miserable creature only doing what others do, and never truly have fun.

i agree that with age, certain responsibilities come. but we always have our free time, to do anything. why choose to be miserable? who even decides whats “weird” or “inappropriate”? do people really think people should stop doing what they like once they’re of certain age? because to me, that makes very little sense. but maybe the problem is in me, because everyone else appears to do just fine. maybe i’m simply not ready for this world, which is kinda embarrassing. but it is what it is ig.

maybe it’s okay i’m different, maybe i’ll have it figured out. or maybe, i’ll just stay like this and never change. time will tell... i think the biggest issue here is my background coming from the balkans where people are blunt and have certain expectations of people compared to age? because im aware plenty people in the west are just like me, and it’s okay. but from where i am from i’m quite certainly a fucking pariah lol. it’s crazy how your origins can shape how you see yourself...

i’ll have it figured.. one day..

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