i am being deadass. i miss vaping. i miss my cherry-flavored vape... but smoking is such a waste of money... and like, i have received some money for my birthday yesterday, yes. but id rather buy clothes, maybe some sdcard(s), or idk, go get some fast food or something... or even video games cosmetics... € 8-10 for a single disposable feels like such a waste of money... buying one would sting badly...

like i don’t even care about the health factor, i would die either way one day, so why not give my mind some simple pleasures. but god, i would feel like i am wasting money, if i were to buy another pen. i am pretty sure it’s been a year, if not longer since i’ve last vaped... and the thing is im not very susceptible to substances. caffeine doesn’t work for the most part, nic gave me the rush and buzz, but i haven’t deceloped an addiction. and well, i can get drunk, if you consider that a substance. i haven’t tried any “actual” drug, nor do i plan to lol. so i don’t know if im actually not susceptible. but yeah, pretty sure nic wouldn’t make me addicted but that’s besides the point.

idk i miss the sensation. the flavour. the mild burn in the lungs, and the dizziness in the head. idk that feeling was comforting. but again i don’t want to waste my own money... and well, what if i was lucky the previous time? what if i would have developed an addiction this time, if i tried vaping again? i have a certain amount, i won’t disclose, but what if i got addicted, and that money ran out? the hell would i do?

but honestly, can’t lie, if someone were to finance me with vapes, ie. buy them for me. (salt, geekbar, elfbar, im not picky) i probably would’ve accepted it lol, if i didn’t have to give, or provide anything in return. this is, of course nearly impossible. and again, if someone were to give me the moneys and told me to go get that vape, id probably, yet again think of a million other things id rather spend even that money.

this isn’t “i really want to vape but i shouldn’t.” there isn’t a “shouldn’t”. i am an adult, i don’t have, or need to explain or excuse myself to anyone. this is a “i don’t want it badly enough to pay for it.” which is fair, i think. but, obviously, nothing is free, and if i am not willing to pay for it, i am not going to get it. it’s as simple as that.

cherry dispo? sounds nice... €10? i would rather keep the €10!

but i’m not kidding if someone were to hand me one for free, i would unironically take it. any flavor. as long as its not tobacco flavor. because if its nasty taste-wise, the other effects of nicotine will be nasty too. but speaking of nic, i also miss the nausea lol. but not the “i am about to puke” nausea, but the “too much nic is my system” nausea. this was probably dangerous. but do i care? no lol.

idk vaping for me was very pleasant, even the “bad”. and you can’t tell me, i’m tripping im not addicted. had i posted this post weeks after my last vape, yes you’d probably be in the right. but my last one was over a year ago. that’s a long time. i don’t have an actual craving. i am just reminiscing, how much i liked it back then. and just thinking how i would do it again, given a chance, i don’t have to pay for it lol.

to say it simply: i liked vaping. i would probably enjoy doing it again. no, i am not buying one.

and we can’t end this post without saying that vapes allegedly accelerate aging in some individuals, as well as causing hormonal disbalance, due to, still mostly unknown chemicals in the vapor. well, unknown to me. scientifically speaking we know exactly what goes into vapes. but we don’t know the long-term effects. but it is also a given that no manufacturer will only put the pure sinthetic nicotine, and flavoring; they put god knows what else, too. so i should probably avoid it, even if given a hypothetical chance to have vapes for free... it’s still not about heath, i absolutely do not give a fuck, i just don’t want to potentially look like an old hag, before i am actually chronologically old.

so maybe occasional vape as a treat... wouldn’t hurt... maybe... i just want something in my mouth that tastes sweet, but isn’t a fruit, and isn’t candy.