so last night i made... that post. you know which one. which obviously received some backlash, that was expected. what was not expected is for me to think it through.

you really need to understand one thing though, here, people really can and will say absolutely anything. i never sat to think about it and how it actually sounds in english. i really need to reconsider how i phrase shit on english. and to reconsider if it actually offends people. i have to be honest for a moment, while my intent was never to offend anyone, i never tried not to be either. i simply did not care. because from where i am from, most of us truly don’t think about these things. and i know this sounds like a cheap excuse, and maybe it fucking is, but i am telling the truth. we don’t think these things through.

first, i need to say thank you to the people that showed me kindness, even if i probably didn’t deserve it, namely brennan and vigil. this is how you make someone think things through. and to that person that DMd me something along the lines “seriously? i don’t think i have to explain why this is inappropriate” you do realize that’s not how you change anyone’s mind, that could only push people deeper into their own ignorance. especially people from my part of the world. we have a very specific kind of spite, called inat. inat is this burning, stubborn, defiant spite.

re the dm: even if it might be “obvious”, again, if you knew how people spoke where i am from, it wouldn’t be THAT obvious as you are aiming it to be. i’m not trying to defend myself, because honestly i don’t know if i can, but in my mind that word was/is just an insult. i did know it’s a heavy thing on english but i didn’t fully, or honestly at all care. call it ignorance. the tone of your message would’ve made a lot of people to double down, and honestly, it might’ve been me too, if it wasn’t for the other two people. maybe instead of that condescending bullshit, you could’ve tried explaining. but alas, i won’t hold grudges, because honestly you’re at least partly right. i SHOULD’VE known better.

i’m no longer claiming my previous post is in the right, because, clearly, it wasn’t. but “obvious” in your culture, is not obvious in every culture. i did know the word is, let’s say, iffy, but i simply did not care. it is the other people that made me change my mind, absolutely not you, lol.

now, many people probably expect a proper apology, but i don’t know what else to say except that i was wrong, that i underestimated the actual meaning in the english language. and i know this also sounds like an excuse but the place you grew up in, shapes your perception of words more than you could ever imagine. i was wrong though to use the word in contexts where it was unacceptable. this website isn’t my street, a downtown park, or a local tv shows. what flies in my real life, probably shouldn’t fly here. i have gained a global audience, and i should’ve probably tried to be more accommodating to that global audience, i should’ve had a middle ground. because, honestly “even when using english, im still functioning on my own area’s registry” was already a shit excuse. because no, that can’t work. and even if it did for a while, it shouldn’t’ve. i am clearly writing on english, which also means the majority of my visitors are from english speaking world. and i should try to be the bridge. because i am the website owner. because if i don’t, the cultural shock will never end. granted, probably nothing is as wrong or as shocking than this word in the anglosphere. i’ll try to do better and not use it. and even for trying to defend it’s usage, i was in the wrong.

i was in so much wrong, and there’s nothing i can do to undo that post. not even deleting, because people will remember it. i can’t say nothing, except that i am sorry and was in the wrong.